i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize