you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
