Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
