I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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