Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
