would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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