I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
