i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
