carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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