true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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