Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
