Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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