Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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