is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
