if you like me you must not know who I am
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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