he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
