I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
