Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
