Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
third nipple confirmed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
