I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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