he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He kissed a someone with a penis
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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