bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Come on in and take your pants off
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