it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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