the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize