Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
