If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need moral support for this bender
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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