Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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