my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
