dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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