Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
