she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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