Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
