But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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