well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
