Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
