Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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