I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
