marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize