I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize