I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
