We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
