How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
