So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
