Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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