just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
