there was a trapeze. enough said
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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