Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
