I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
