I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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