I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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