Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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