You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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