And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
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