All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
