If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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