Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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