first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
