rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize