I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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