If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
