after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
