Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
