I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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