i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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