"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am naked and annoyed.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
