i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
