the condom got lost in my hair
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
