She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
