Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
