After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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