don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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